Final report on James Graham Maughan

Dear Family and Friends of Graham/Jim,

This is my last report to you all. I have been resisting writing it as it makes things so final, but it is time to close down this chapter for all of us and move forward.

Airasa, Ian, Owen, Rory, Naomi and I all went to California on the 15th of December. This had been a long planned trip since February, to spend Christmas with Graham, so when we heard the news that Airasa's dad had passed away on the 11th of April we decided not to rush over there but instead keep to our plans. I think that was a really good decision, because we had time to process our loss for a few months before the Memorial Service and dealing with all of Graham's worldly goods.

We had wonderful weather for our two weeks in Santa Barbara, which made the trip a very pleasant one (considering how cold it was back here in Leeds!). We had bright sunny days with cold nights. But we were able to do all that needed to be done.

Airasa, Ian and the boys stayed with Marj and Jim in Goleta while Naomi and I were grateful to have use of the Cabana at Eric Boehm's lovely home in Santa Barbara, with beautiful views of the ocean and palm trees that line the streets everywhere. Naomi and I watched Owen and Rory on several mornings while Airasa and Ian went to the storage facility and sorted through everything. John and Craig had been able to get everything moved to Goleta from Oxnard so this trip we never had to drive to Ventura, which was quite different from the past 3 years when Graham was at Shoreline Care Center there.

Graham had already sorted through his things when he was living in his apartment for those few months in 2006-7, so we were fortunate not to have quite as much as there was originally. He did leave well over 1000 books and 1000+ record albums (we could not count there were so many). He also had many many boxes of papers which included all of his correspondence over the years, photo albums, journals, magazines, stamp collection, and other things. Airasa did a preliminary sort and brought back to Marj and Jim's those boxes that needed to be examined for decisions on what to keep and what to get rid of. Airasa and I each brought home a suitcase full of things and she also shipped four boxes home, with the amazing help to pack those from Leslie, who is a star packer! Some items were given to a charity shop if we could not find people who wanted them. After we returned to England, Cari, Marj, and Jim painstakingly went through all of the books and gave his precious Holocaust collection to B'nai Brith in Santa Barbara, as well as useful tomes to the Genealogy Society and selected special books for themselves or others they knew of. The stamp collection went to John and Cindy. Craig sorted through the record albums and took out those he had fond memories of listening to with Graham over the years. We were so relieved that his treasures were given to people who will use and appreciate them. The rest of the books and records were donated to The Book Den and to Warbler Records in Santa Barbara.

For the memorial service, Airasa found a couple of boxes of books that Graham had selected especially as being important - perhaps first editions, or those signed by the authors. We put labels in those saying 'From the Library of James Graham Maughan' and gave them away to the people who came to the Memorial Service on the 28th.

Graham's mother Margie and her companion Pat, Graham's brother Rick and his friend April, and his anthropology friends Randy and Elaine Luce came from out of town for the memorial. Others came from the church, ABC Clio, and locally friends Graham had over the years. There were 40 people at the service. It was planned by Airasa to include things that she knew Graham would appreciate. I have scanned the program that was printed by the church and attached it to his so you all can read it. You will see that we sang Amazing Grace, which was one of Graham's all time favorite hymns. (It is one I have used as a lullaby for both Owen and Rory to get them to sleep!) There were several scripture readings, one with some of her memories by Cari Thomas, a moving Eulogy by Randy Lucy and another by John Peyton. Craig Woodman read the wonderfully poignant poem "I'm Free". We are very grateful to Jeannie Cavender for officiating at the service and for Josephine Brummel who played the organ for arrival, departure, and for all of the singing. I had prepared a set of slides of photos of Graham through the years (one is attached to this email from when he was doing field work in anthropology) to show on the screen as people arrived at the church. Airasa had placed gifts of his books in the pews for guests to take home with them as a memory of Graham. It was a beautiful and fitting service.

Afterwards, there was coffee, tea, juice and an amazing assortment of Christmas cookies in the common room, where we were able to chat with each other remembering Graham/Jim. I think we all agreed what an amazing man he was - with his brilliant mind and sharp sense of humor. There were tears of sadness as we said our farewells to each other and left the church.

A small number of family and very close friends then went to the garden at Eric Boehm's home and had a picnic lunch, which we had provided from Von's, near the church. Sandwiches, veggies and dips, chips, brownies and cheesecakes, as well as juice and water were just right on the beautiful warm sunny afternoon. For us it was like a summer day in England! Owen enjoyed making a 'jungle' for his toy animals in one area of the garden, Rory enjoyed running around playing on the grass, and the rest of us sat or stood around on the patio munching our way through the yummy picnic food. The setting was perfect for our final farewell to our son, brother, partner, father, grandfather and friend. Each of us was able to share our memories of Graham/Jim and find the necessary closure to his life.

We would like to thank everyone on this email list for your support over these past 6 years after Graham's accident. He was certainly blessed with wonderful people in his life, and we were privileged to meet most of you on our many visits to California to see him. I would especially like to say a big thank you to Marj and Jim who graciously took me into their home back in 2005 when I accompanied Graham back from England. They accommodated our family for every visit from that first one through the additions of Owen and then Rory to this last one. Another big thank you goes to John who kept Graham's affairs in order right up to the end when we closed his bank account. Obviously thanks go to Craig and Lorraine who were also extremely helpful the past six years, as I came over so many times to help Graham and sometimes I stayed with them and even borrowed a car on one visit. It was great to see people at the service who visited Graham regularly, especially Cari, Alice, and Vera, who were troopers in writing post cards for Graham when he was at Buena Vista Care Center, along with a couple of people from ABC Clio. I would like to thank all the ABC Clio folks who were so generous in helping Graham by taking up regular collections of money to donate entertainment items to keep him occupied when he was laid up in bed for all those years. Thanks to to the several people who collected and gave kitchen and linen items to help to stock his apartment when he moved into it. I would also like to thank the tireless hard work of those who organized and packed up all of his worldly goods and put things into storage while he was in England in 2005, and then helped when we moved him into his specially adapted apartment. Each person on this list has helped in one way or another to make Graham's last 6 years bearable - even if it was only reading these email reports and sending 'good vibes' and kind thoughts and prayers his way.

Being a quadriplegic was an immense challenge to Graham and what kept him sane was his deep faith, his kind visitors, and his many correspondents, as well as his music and television with the news, sports, and films. We know that his stash of cookies, chips and chocolates gave him some tasty treats and that the food brought by visitors helped to nourish his body and spirits. He never let his sharp mind fail and right up until the end he was aware of and interested in everyone around him. He told one of his last visitors that he was finally content with his life, so we know that when he died so suddenly he was at peace. Thankfully his death was quick and as far as we know he did not suffer. His body was donated for medical research which was his fervent desire. The Memory Album I created I believe has captured the essence of his life with wonderful written memories from many of his friends as well as photos from his life. I am certain he would be thrilled to know that there are 8 copies of a book about him, one of which can be seen in the Goleta Presbyterian Church library.

Graham was a big part of my world and he continues on in his daughter and grandsons and in our collective memories.

May each and every one of you be blessed in your lives.

With love and kind regards,

Linda

James Graham Maughan RIP

From Linda this morning:

Dear Friends and Family of James Graham Maughan,

I am very sad to let you all know that Graham passed away around 5:30 a.m. this morning west coast time at the Care Home in Oxnard. We have notified a few friends and family by phone but this email is to let all of you know how grateful we are that you supported Graham over the years since his accident.

Our current plans are to be in California for Christmas (plans we made 2 months ago) and we are still planning this visit when we will take care of any remaining issues. We will organize some kind of memorial service during the visit to which we will invite everyone on this list, even though most of you are not local to California.

Kind regards,
Linda

Graham has returned to Shoreline

Graham is back at Shoreline now and may very well be under the name of James Maughan (or Graham Maughan). Here is the address and main phone number. He is in room 41B.

Shoreline Care Center
5225 South J Street
Oxnard, CA 93033
Phone: (805) 488-3696 (main number)

Eventually he will have his own phone again, and I will let you know the phone number of that when we have it.

This is, of course, a sad time for Graham as well as all of us. We all had hoped that he could live with caregivers rather than in a care home. John and others locally worked diligently and tirelessly to try to make it happen. However, as I have (repeatedly!) said, we can't afford the 24/7 care he needs so the Care Home will be the best place for him.

If you have a moment to write him a card, I am sure he would appreciate hearing from any of you.

Message from Graham

Dear Friends, relations, loved ones all,



This year has been one filled with challenges, both mental and physical. As you know, I have been struggling since mid-April with two serious pressure sores, which struggle has taken me from my apartment in Goleta to Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital, to Care Meridian, to St Johns Regional Hospital, to St Johns Pleasant Valley Hospital, to Shoreline Care Center. With the exception of Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital, all of the other facilities are in Oxnard or Camarillo, some 50 miles from my home. This removal from my usual haunts has presented me with feeling cut off and isolated, as it is not convenient for people to visit and thus distract me from endlessly repetitive television programming, the only entertainment available to me because of my bed confinement. Until recently, mail has had a hard time getting through to me, increasing the sense of isolation.



So much for the bad news. The (very) good news is that my pressure sores are nearly completely healed enabling me to get out of bed for an hour or so at a time. I have not done so as yet because my powered chair is still at Care Meridian. With any luck my chair will be transported to Shoreline this week. Various logistics of my getting out of bed and enjoying mobility in my chair need sorting, but there is no question that I feel enormous progress has been made in making my way back home. I especially look forward to taking up abstracting again for ABC Clio. I managed to do one assignment before the pressure sore saga began. It was invigorating. My contract with the Department of Rehabilitation has been extended to June of 2009, which extension will assist me in becoming a fully productive member of society.



Linda and Airasa visited in February. Unfortunately for them, but thankfully for me, they spent the majority of their visit coping with my caregiver problems. They are now celebrating Christmas with me, along with Ian and (drum rolls please) Owen Franklin Terence Burke! Not only is Owen (born September 26 th) a joy, but so too is seeing Airasa and Ian lavish him with love. Owen is bright, lively, happy, busy, even-tempered, and just generally comprehensively adorable. He is quite strong and clearly impatient to sit up, roll from his back to his tummy, and, I dare say, stand up and walk! Hard to believe he will be 3 months old in just a couple days. Tonight he will star as the baby Jesus in my church's Christmas Pageant. He did present a bit of a challenge in that he is too big to fit in the manger!



I know I have been showered with love and prayers in my wound ordeal, and I wish there was some way to show how deeply I appreciate your caring and concern. God willing, 2008 will bring us all peace and a much deeper understanding of how important we all are to one another, not simply in our personal networks of friends and family, but with everyone, everywhere.



May the Lord Bless you and keep you,

Graham

Graham is at Shoreline

Dear all,

I managed to speak to my dad today and he has finally made the move to Shoreline Nursing facility. We spoke briefly since someone has to hold the phone for him but he said that he was in a room with 2 elderly gentleman who were 'comatose' most of the time. His wound-vac supposedly broke during his move so they are intending to get him a new one this afternoon. As with all moves, this one has been a bit traumatic for my dad, especially with the wound vac breaking. He said that he would really appreciate contact from people so if you have a spare few minutes I know he'd appreciate a phone call from anyone who has the chance.

Shoreline Care Center
5225 South J Street, Oxnard, CA 93033
Phone: (805) 488-3696

I also spoke to Care Meridian, they still have some of his things there and he would like them. They said that they would need someone to pick them up, but I need to call next week to find out exactly how much is there. I don't know if his wheelchair is there or has moved with him. I know it's a lot to ask but if anyone was planning to go and visit in the next week or so, maybe you could volunteer to pick his things up, otherwise perhaps a taxi could be arranged to take things from Care Meridian to Shoreline. I don't know how far away they are from each other so I don't know how pracitical it all is! I hope that he begins to settle into some sort of routine and that his wounds heal quickly so he can begin getting up in his wheelchair again.

This has been a particularly trying few months and we all really appreciate the visits, calls, emails and cards that people have been sending to keep in touch. It makes me feel increadibly lucky to have the support of all of you, I don't know how we could have gotten through this time without it!

I will send more information when I have it. I hear it is a holiday weekend in the US so I hope you all enjoy yourselves!

Lots of love

Airasa

Graham is moving again!!

Dear Friends and Family of Graham,

Airasa just spoke to her dad and he is at this moment waiting to be moved in the next hour or so to his new nursing facility home which is:

Shoreline Care Center
5225 South J Street, Oxnard, CA 93033
Phone: (805) 488-3696

You can go to http://www.covenantcare.com/Pages/shoreline/SHORELINE.html
if you want to look at the website. There is a link to a map for those who might be able to visit him.

From reading about it, it seems to be similar in size and ability to the Buena Vista Care Center that he was in when he returned to California from England, but hopefully it will be a place where his wounds will finally heal. He has been through a lot in the past few months and the doctors are doing their best to get him into a stable physical situation.

Most recently, he has a vacuum gadget that is working on his wounds as well as the other various medical interventions happening that really require him to be in a skilled nursing facility for the time being. He needs 24 hour care. However much we might have hoped that he can return to his apartment, it is clear that his medical situation does not warrant the reality of that, at least for the foreseeable future. We do have to face facts! What is most important is that he have as much quality of life as possible and the regular 24 hour care that he needs.

We are simply not able to afford caregivers on a 24/7 basis in his apartment. Because he needs specialist care for now, even if we could find some caregivers today, there is no guarantee that they would stay with him for a long term and then we would simply be facing the caregiver problem over and over again.

You have all been very supportive in each move, and perhaps you might like to send him a card to let him know that you are thinking of him in this latest move.

I will be giving up the Care Pages (which were associated with the last two places) so it is probably best to keep sending out these emails to the whole group and also to update the UFOESP blog with the same.

We have had a rather disappointing summer here in England, though it has suited Airasa as she nears the birth of their child in the next couple of weeks or so. Cooler is better for the last few weeks for sure!

Hope your summer has been good.

Kind regards,
Linda

Graham in Pleasant Valley -- had surgery

Dear one and all,

We had news this week that Graham has undergone surgery in the hopes that this will provide a better means for his pressure sores to heal. They have been ultimately stubborn as the doctors have tried to find out what is going on. He has had tests to see if the bone was involved, and blood tests to see what the culprit was. In the end they decided that having a colostomy will help to clear the area for healing. Thus earlier this week he underwent this operation and is now recovering from it. All seems to be going well on the recovery front -- he has mentioned being hungry on our phone calls, which is always a good sign!

In case you want to phone him, he now has a speaker phone in his hospital room -- it is not one that he can answer by himself, but once someone presses the button he can talk with others much more easily than when someone had to hold the phone to his head. We had attempted to get headphones but somehow the technology defeated John. Having the speaker phone is good because it can't fall off his head or get in his way when he is trying to talk.

This is the number 805 389 5828 and you have to ask that someone go to his room to press the button -- he is in room 269.

We have also been exploring ways to get some of his precious music to him. We have decided to get one or more relatively cheap MP3 players and have each one be a specific genre. Then they can be set to 'shuffle' and Graham will be able to hear music for a longer period of time without needing someone to change a CD for him. Craig's family will be assisting with this technology and we are grateful to them and especially to Matt who will be making the time to transfer CDs to the MP3 players. We sincerely hope that the music will help to soothe Graham as it always has done in the past.

Graham has been very fortunate in having several people who have managed to visit him at Pleasant Valley. Considering how far it is from Santa Barbara, we know how truly lucky he is to have such wonderful friends.

We always knew from the outset of this situation that Graham's life would never be 'normal' again. That he had nine months or so in his own apartment was truly a gift. Naturally we hope that somehow he will be able to go home again. However, the only way to face his situation is one day at a time.

We know that the love and good wishes sent by each and every one of you on this list go a long way to providing the right atmosphere for him to live the best life he can.

I will also put this message on to the Care Pages for those who like to check there!

Kind regards,
Linda