FL Graham's Message
Hi All,
Here is another update from the man himself. Much thanks to my mum for typing this up so quickly!
Love,
Airasa
Dearest friends, family, brothers and sisters in Christ, and other loved ones wherever you are,
Hi!
Airasa tells me it has been a while since I have sent you all an update from my perspective. My memory is sufficiently erratic these days, given so much that is on my mind (and so many drugs I'm taking) that it would be foolish to doubt her. So here goes.
Perhaps the best way is to give an overview of what I'm doing now, interpolations of random occurrences or thoughts, that I think you don't know. I'm now finishing my second week of regular physio- and occupational therapy. Physio is in the morning and lately I've been working on strengthening my triceps and my ability to straighten my arms out completely. Sometimes on a machine with weights, although so far they have shown mercy on me by having very little or none at all. Until recently, my left arm was stronger than my right, but now, on some tasks/exercises, my right arm is stronger than my left. Occupational therapy has provided me with special gloves to roll my wheelchair, but I've only tried it once. The actual wheelchair moving is a physio responsibility and my one effort resulted in only a few inches movement, with much effort. I think, in fact, this is why they are working on my triceps so much. While it's the biceps that actually move you forward, it's the triceps that you use to reach back far enough to grip the wheels, which clearly I could not do. Nonetheless, I feel I am making progress, though the last exercise I did today, which happened to be focused on my triceps, I did 7 sets of 10 repetitions. When the physio team member responsible for me today heard this report, she was visibly and vocally impressed!
Occupational therapy I have in the afternoon. It has been focused on developing increased function in my hands. I still cannot grip, or otherwise employ fine motor control of my fingers, but they say I am improving in the various exercises they have me do. Today most of the session was devoted to testing my sensory sensitivity in my hands. We were only able to do partially my left hand (some on the back and some on the palm) so I expect Monday (there's no OT on Friday) we will finish my left hand and try to do a complete testing of my right hand.
I guess it happens to all spinal injuries patients at one time or another, but this week has been my time to go through psychological emotional crisis. I think it had to do with my realization that my helplessness and dependency is complete, not only for my physical needs and desires (e.g., turning the volume up and down on my CD player), but also is even more so for trying to keep things together, financially and otherwise, back home. There is so much uncertainly, so much detail, and so much bureaucratic red tape, that if I think very much on it I find myself on the edge of despair.
Airasa, Ian, and Linda go to great efforts to reassure me that things will work out, and that there's no point in worrying and speculating about all the things that can go wrong, but I confess that 58 years of catastrophic thinking is a huge impediment to their loving efforts. Curiously, one of the components of this 'back home dependency despair' is all the loving and supporting communications from all of you. I want to respond individually so badly, but cannot possibly, because it can only be done, basically, through Airasa and Ian, which would simply overwhelm them, if not drive them mad. THIS IS NOT AN APPEAL FOR LESS COMMUNICATION!! It's simply a prelude to a profound apology that I cannot respond in the way that you all deserve. I've been to my second patient education class (on the prevention of 'pressure sores') and my commitment to attend these sessions was again strongly reinforced. For the religious among you, I have been seeing a pastor, not necessarily the same one each time, and taking communion, one to one, regularly. This has been a tremendous aid in keeping myself more or less together. I'm going to be seeing a staff psychologist (as most spinal injury patients do) in the near future to help solidify my pieces.
Airasa must leave in a few minutes and it's time to close this long letter anyway. Please keep me up to date with your doings and thinkings.
Much love,
Graham
PS I now have permission to be wheeled about the hospital by visitors and have done so a couple of times. What a feeling of liberty!!
Here is another update from the man himself. Much thanks to my mum for typing this up so quickly!
Love,
Airasa
Dearest friends, family, brothers and sisters in Christ, and other loved ones wherever you are,
Hi!
Airasa tells me it has been a while since I have sent you all an update from my perspective. My memory is sufficiently erratic these days, given so much that is on my mind (and so many drugs I'm taking) that it would be foolish to doubt her. So here goes.
Perhaps the best way is to give an overview of what I'm doing now, interpolations of random occurrences or thoughts, that I think you don't know. I'm now finishing my second week of regular physio- and occupational therapy. Physio is in the morning and lately I've been working on strengthening my triceps and my ability to straighten my arms out completely. Sometimes on a machine with weights, although so far they have shown mercy on me by having very little or none at all. Until recently, my left arm was stronger than my right, but now, on some tasks/exercises, my right arm is stronger than my left. Occupational therapy has provided me with special gloves to roll my wheelchair, but I've only tried it once. The actual wheelchair moving is a physio responsibility and my one effort resulted in only a few inches movement, with much effort. I think, in fact, this is why they are working on my triceps so much. While it's the biceps that actually move you forward, it's the triceps that you use to reach back far enough to grip the wheels, which clearly I could not do. Nonetheless, I feel I am making progress, though the last exercise I did today, which happened to be focused on my triceps, I did 7 sets of 10 repetitions. When the physio team member responsible for me today heard this report, she was visibly and vocally impressed!
Occupational therapy I have in the afternoon. It has been focused on developing increased function in my hands. I still cannot grip, or otherwise employ fine motor control of my fingers, but they say I am improving in the various exercises they have me do. Today most of the session was devoted to testing my sensory sensitivity in my hands. We were only able to do partially my left hand (some on the back and some on the palm) so I expect Monday (there's no OT on Friday) we will finish my left hand and try to do a complete testing of my right hand.
I guess it happens to all spinal injuries patients at one time or another, but this week has been my time to go through psychological emotional crisis. I think it had to do with my realization that my helplessness and dependency is complete, not only for my physical needs and desires (e.g., turning the volume up and down on my CD player), but also is even more so for trying to keep things together, financially and otherwise, back home. There is so much uncertainly, so much detail, and so much bureaucratic red tape, that if I think very much on it I find myself on the edge of despair.
Airasa, Ian, and Linda go to great efforts to reassure me that things will work out, and that there's no point in worrying and speculating about all the things that can go wrong, but I confess that 58 years of catastrophic thinking is a huge impediment to their loving efforts. Curiously, one of the components of this 'back home dependency despair' is all the loving and supporting communications from all of you. I want to respond individually so badly, but cannot possibly, because it can only be done, basically, through Airasa and Ian, which would simply overwhelm them, if not drive them mad. THIS IS NOT AN APPEAL FOR LESS COMMUNICATION!! It's simply a prelude to a profound apology that I cannot respond in the way that you all deserve. I've been to my second patient education class (on the prevention of 'pressure sores') and my commitment to attend these sessions was again strongly reinforced. For the religious among you, I have been seeing a pastor, not necessarily the same one each time, and taking communion, one to one, regularly. This has been a tremendous aid in keeping myself more or less together. I'm going to be seeing a staff psychologist (as most spinal injury patients do) in the near future to help solidify my pieces.
Airasa must leave in a few minutes and it's time to close this long letter anyway. Please keep me up to date with your doings and thinkings.
Much love,
Graham
PS I now have permission to be wheeled about the hospital by visitors and have done so a couple of times. What a feeling of liberty!!
posted by Fearless Leader Sue at 9:13 AM
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